These were submitted in a contest for the best joke Aug 23, 2009.
Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge?
I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought, 'This could be interesting'.
I had my boobs measured and bought a new bra. Now I call them Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes because they're up where they belong.
I'm sure wherever my dad is; he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending.
Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You know you're going to get it, but it's going to be rough.
To the people who have iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it!
And considered the worst -
I'm not doing any Michael Jackson jokes, because they always involve puns about his songs. And that's bad."
I phoned the swine flu hotline and all I got was crackling.
Michael Jackson only invented the moonwalk so he could sneak up on children.