Bacon Cures

Cured bacon cures disease. Not a joke. Dr. Jennifer Gunter found that bacon has historically been used to stop severe nosebleeds, which can potentially be extremely hazardous, by stuffing it up your nostrils (the saltiness of the meat constricts blood vessels).

Bacon can also be used to expedite the removal of harmful Dermatobia hominis parasites by using it as bait (they like bacon, too).

Bacon can also treat scabies, by rubbing rendered bacon fat on yourself, which is apparently 88% effective compared to actual medicine.

Bonus, bacon can also reduce hunger and boredom.