Funny Diet Thoughts

I bought a talking refrigerator that said “Oink” every time I opened the door. It made me hungry for pork chops.

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets, they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. . . unless there are three other people.

Food is like sex: when you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal.

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks.