Quick Clean Humor

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised.

What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.

And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life.
But John came fifth and won a toaster.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don't know what he laced them with, but I have been tripping all day.

I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday.
Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.