Funny Stuff

Came across this post on Reddit and had to share. It's a guy thing, made me laugh out loud. Fifty seconds long. Enjoy! LINK

F is for Fried Chicken

This has been around for a while, but still makes me laugh, so I felt compelled to share. It is time to start the new year with a good hearty laugh.

Our teacher asked what is my favorite animal and I said, "Fried chicken". She told me I am not funny, but she could not have been right because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher is probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do too, especially chicken. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class, my teacher asked me what is my favorite live animal. I told her it is chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it is because you can make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher does not like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders". Guess where I am now?

Funny Videos

Here is a LINK to the top funny videos on YouTube. Some have had over ten million hits. Great when you have some time to waste and need a chuckle.

Benefits of Humor

Here is one from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. In my never ending Quixotic quest to finding what is funny, I stumbled on this tidbit that suggests that watching comedy can increase your creativity, but it still does not answer 'what is funny'.

Researchers found that watching a comedy film has several benefits. First, that it makes you feel better and we all know that. Second, that it makes you more creative. Third, that it aids in problem solving.

Are you bored and wondering what to do next (after finishing this).  Well, view a comedy film, or maybe this quickie of Mr. Bean making faces.

The movie makes you laugh and it makes you feel better. Now, don't you feel more creative?

Experiment results from, Isen, Daubman, and Nowicki found that people who watched a comedy film were more likely to solve a problem requiring a creative solution than people who watched a neutral film. 

Another experiment involved a comedy film and the Remote Associates Test. The mean number of items correct on this test was higher for people who watched a comedy film than for people who did not watch a comedy film. The hypothesis was that positive emotion would foster creativity.

The bottom line is that if you are working on a problem at home or work that requires a creative solution, it may be good to first view some comedy. I know that I always feel better after watching Laurel and Hardy, but am not sure if it makes me feel more creative.

Top Jokes from BBC

These were submitted in a contest for the best joke Aug 23, 2009.

Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge?

I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought, 'This could be interesting'.

I had my boobs measured and bought a new bra. Now I call them Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes because they're up where they belong.

I'm sure wherever my dad is; he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending.

Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You know you're going to get it, but it's going to be rough.

To the people who have iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it!

And considered the worst -

I'm not doing any Michael Jackson jokes, because they always involve puns about his songs. And that's bad."

I phoned the swine flu hotline and all I got was crackling.

Michael Jackson only invented the moonwalk so he could sneak up on children.

Potato Chips are sooo Good

True - Oklahoma City resident Lahuma Smith, pled no contest to prostitution charges that she traded sex for a box of Frito-Lay potato chips.

According to the police report, undercover officers noticed Smith was flashing her headlights to 'catch' a date. They followed her car and found her with her blouse open and a man in the passenger seat pulling his pants up.

The man told police he was having marital problems and she told police the man said he was looking for company, but he didn’t have any money, so she agreed to be paid with a $30 case of Frito-Lay chips he had in his car. As much as I love potato chips, this one is not right. . . and they weren't even Better Made or Granny Goose potato chips.

Father's Day or Mother's Day

This is actually for sale, $29.95. Here is a gift for the person in your family that might have a, uh, problem. Under-Ease are underwear for protection against bad human gas (malodorous flatus) and are made from a soft air-tight polyurethane-coated nylon. To maintain the air-tightness, elastic is sewn into the material around the waist and both legs.

A triangular "exit hole" for the flatus to be expelled is cut from the back of the air-tight underwear, near the bottom. This "exit hole" is covered with a pocket made of ordinary porous fabric sewn over the "exit hole". This unique design forces all expelled gas (flatus) out through the "pocket". Inside the pocket is a high-functioning, replaceable filter. The ad says nothing about sound deadening.Caveat Emptor.

Hot Gas

True - George Gibbs, from Columbus, Ohio, suffered second-degree burns on his head. One freezing cold winter morning, he was unable to start his car. George diagnosed the problem as a frozen fuel line which he thought he could correct by running warm gas through it. He then tried to heat a two-gallon can of gas on his gas stove in the kitchen.

Forgetful Senior

Grandpa decided that shopping for Christmas presents had become too difficult. All his grandchildren had everything they needed, so he decided to send them each a check.

On each card he wrote, "Happy Christmas, Grandpa"

P.S. Buy your own present.

While Grandpa enjoyed the family festivities, he thought that his grandchildren were just slightly distant. It preyed on his mind into the New Year. Then one day he was sorting out his study and under a pile of magazines, he found a little pile of checks for his grandchildren. He forgot to put them in with the Christmas cards.

Terrible Tommy on Scribd

Here is a copy of an ebook I just published on Scribd. This one and more ebooks from me will soon be available for only a buck. Wow, cheap at twice the price. Enjoy!

You can click on the arrows above the book to turn pages or place the hand cursor to the right side of the page and click to turn. Also, there is a little box above the book at the top right that you can click to see the book in full page mode.

Bacon

You have eard of 'What Would Jesus Do' - Here is another idea.

Speaking of Robots

What’s silver and brown and lies in the grass ? R2 Doo Doo…

In twenty years robots will be doing most of the work humans don’t want to do,
especially illegal robots from Mexico.

P E T A

I am a member and you can become a member, too. It stands for People Eating Tasty Animals. You don't eat meat when it turns green, because it will make you sick, so why would you eat anything that starts out green.

Honk

Smell This

When the odor becomes truly out of this world, try this almighty air freshener. You can actually buy these on the web.

What's The Difference

What’s the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
The prostitute says, “Are you done yet?”
The nymphomaniac says, “Are you done already?”
The blonde says, “Beige. I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.”

Dental Humor

I couldn’t resist adding this one for the holidays. Its from “Medical Humor” Medical nonsense to tickle your funnybone by Thomas F. Shubnell. You can find it on Amazon. Be sure to check the ’search inside’ feature for a sneak preview.


A Plano, Texas, man goes to Dr. Marshall Johnson’s office, because of a throbbing pain in his mouth.

After a brief examination, Dr. Johnson exclaims, “My goodness, that plate I installed in your mouth about six months ago has nearly completely corroded. What have you been eating?”

“The only thing I can think of is that my wife made me some asparagus about four months ago with some stuff on it called Hollandaise sauce. I have to admit that it was delicious. I have never tasted anything like it. Ever since then, I have been putting it on everything.”

“That’s probably the reason,” replied the dentist, “Hollandaise sauce is made with lemon juice, which is acidic and highly corrosive. It seems as though I will have to install a new plate, but made out of chrome this time.”

“Why chrome?” the man asked.

Dr. Johnson replied, “Everyone knows that, there’s no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise.”