What's The Difference

What’s the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
The prostitute says, “Are you done yet?”
The nymphomaniac says, “Are you done already?”
The blonde says, “Beige. I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.”

Mind Games

A new game, called Mind Flex from toy maker Mattel, allows players to move a ball around an obstacle course by using just their powers of concentration. Mind Flex relies on EEG technology to measure brain wave activity through a headset equipped with sensors for the forehead and earlobes.

Focusing on the ball causes a fan in the base of the game to start up and lift the ball on a gentle stream of air. Once a player has the ball in the air they need to try to weave it through hoops, towers and other obstacles.

"It's a mind-eye coordination game," said Mattel's Tim Sheridan. "As you relax you'll find that the ball drops."

The game will be available in September for eighty dollars, and was displayed by Mattel at the annual Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas.

Read any Good Books Lately?

My books can't be found at this store, but they are available at Amazon and other stores. Click on the link on the right.

Internet Car Radio

It is available now. Is this cool or what. Since satellite radio is struggling to keep its head above water do to the cost, this is a great replacement. It uses a bluetooth connection to your phone and works just like a regular stereo car radio, plus, with the push of a button on it, you can use your phone. Cost is currently about $300, but prices should drop fast with adoption.

Nanotechnology

In my never ending quest to find new stuff about nano technology, which is in the process of revolutionizing our world, I found that a nanometer is the length that your finger nails grow every second.
Nano-Care fabrics, sold in Eddie Bauer chinos and other clothing since November 2001, incorporate “nano-whiskers” into the fabric to make it stain-resistant to water-based liquids such as coffee and wine.

Global Warming Effect on Polar Bears

Now I've heard it all. Polar bear penis bones (sic) are shrinking in Eastern Greenland, according to the University of Aarhus in Denmark. It found that polar bears living in the Eastern Greenland are somewhat less well endowed than their cousins in Svalbard and the Canadian Arctic. They say this could be due to the high prevalence of pollutants such as PCBs and DDT in Eastern Greenland - pollutants which records show are less prevalent in Svalbard and the Canadian Arctic.

The study showed that carnivores living in snowy environments, close to the poles, tend to have longer penis bones to help them be more competitive. The group concludes that human pollution, combined with the difficulty of finding food in warming climates, may spell disaster for Eastern Greenland polar bears. Wonder how they get close enough to measure them.

Whence Bluetooth

It comes from Harald Bluetooth (Blatonn) Gormson, the king of Denmark and Norway back in the nine hundreds, who turned the Danes to Christianity. The name suggests he had a dark or blue tooth. The bluetooth logo shows Nordic letters for his name. Some say his son deposed him as king. Bluetooth has a range of only 30 feet. Wonder what whizbang technology will depose bluetooth as it deposed wires.

Benjamin Franklin

They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. Benjamin Franklin

Speaking of Queens

Bet ya didn't know that Queen Elisabeth II is the official head of state of Canada. . . and Australia, Antigua, Barbados, Belize, New Guinea, New Zealand, Jamaica, Grenada, Bermuda, Bahamas, Grenada, all the Soloman islands, St. Kitts, and Tuvalu (what's left of it, over in the Pacific, between Hawaii and Australia). Sounds like a dance - Let's do the Tuvalu.

Eyeglasses Using Water

Eyeglasses using a simple, self-adjusting technology are now poised to change the way the world's poor see and could aid billions of people. They are still a bit large, but the inventor is working on streamlined versions, and hopes to get the cost down to about $2 from the current $19, as manufacturing volume picks up. So far, about 30,000 pair have been sold or given away. Africa is the first target with one optician to each million people.

Early models look as if they might go well with a fake mustache. Thick Coke-bottle lenses sit in dark tortoiseshell frames flanked with a pair of syringes on either temple. By turning dials, the wearer pushes more or less fluid into the lenses, protected between two hard polycarbonate covers, until the prescription is perfect. The syringes can then be removed or left in place to allow continuing changes.

The U.S. Department of Defense is planning to buy and hand out 20,000 pairs of the glasses as humanitarian aid in Angola, Georgia, and other nations. I have seen some people wear worse looking glasses than these and they cost a heck of a lot more than nineteen bucks.

Shameless Self Promotion

One of my books, “Greatest Jokes” is cited on a wiki about president John Adams of all people.

http://simple.wikiquote.org/wiki/John_Adams

Snopes is a site that debunks the myths floating around in cyberspace. Many of the popular emails asking for money, or promising that Microsoft will donate if you forward this email, etc.

This valuable site became even better recently when it cited another of my joke books for a story about Nancy Pelosi. I just love it. Now I am a credible source. . . for jokes, I guess. Such a dubious distinction!

http://www.snopes.com/politics/pelosi/captaincook.asp

Dental Humor

I couldn’t resist adding this one for the holidays. Its from “Medical Humor” Medical nonsense to tickle your funnybone by Thomas F. Shubnell. You can find it on Amazon. Be sure to check the ’search inside’ feature for a sneak preview.


A Plano, Texas, man goes to Dr. Marshall Johnson’s office, because of a throbbing pain in his mouth.

After a brief examination, Dr. Johnson exclaims, “My goodness, that plate I installed in your mouth about six months ago has nearly completely corroded. What have you been eating?”

“The only thing I can think of is that my wife made me some asparagus about four months ago with some stuff on it called Hollandaise sauce. I have to admit that it was delicious. I have never tasted anything like it. Ever since then, I have been putting it on everything.”

“That’s probably the reason,” replied the dentist, “Hollandaise sauce is made with lemon juice, which is acidic and highly corrosive. It seems as though I will have to install a new plate, but made out of chrome this time.”

“Why chrome?” the man asked.

Dr. Johnson replied, “Everyone knows that, there’s no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise.”